A Prayer for the Dying
On
the day that will eventually see the execution of Troy Davis for a crime he may
or may not have committed, but for which the state of Georgia remains certain
he must die, I find myself trying, unsuccessfully, to go about my daily
life. I do this, not because I
don’t think that this miscarriage of justice has nothing to do with me, but
rather because I don’t think my soul can bear the weight of considering what I
would do if I know that today would be my last day of life as Troy Davis knows
now. It does make me feel like a
coward to sit and take care of comparatively trivial things like grading,
cleaning house, paying bills…preparing for tomorrow, but I am not presented
with many other options.
I
do find myself stopping periodically throughout September 21, 2011, to consider
so many of the ways that as a nation, as citizens of the world, we have lost
our ways so mightily. On the same
day as Troy Davis will lose his life I read a story about a school
superintendent in Michigan that is making the audacious and brilliant
proposal to have his school turned into a prison so that his students too can
be fed, have access to a good library, a physical education, and the
approximately $23,000 more that are spent per prisoner than per student, all in
the hopes that one day in the near future his students will not become
prisoners.
I
spend my professional life educating students about the histories and processes
of inequality in the hopes that a better understanding on their part will make
the weight of knowing easier to carry on my part. One more person carrying the weight surely will make the
burden lighter. Surely. And yet, the weight today is almost
more than I can stand up beneath.
But I am not the one who if facing death. That unimaginable task falls to Troy Davis today. But never more has the concept “I am
Troy Davis” felt so real to me than it does in this moment. I know that I will die a little too
tonight; that my humanity will shrink just a little more knowing that it must
exist in a time and place where justice means blood, but does not bring
comfort.
I,
like Kevin
Powell, do not ignore the tragedy of one death that has begat the tragedy
of today’s death. The sorrow of
Officer MacPhail’s family, and their desire for justice is, in no way less than
the sorrow and desire for justice of Troy Davis and his family. But nor is it greater. I cannot even begin to fathom how
profound the desire for justice or revenge or payback or closure must be when
someone you love is murdered. But
is the desire so strong that it can be satiated by the imperfect execution of
someone who may not be responsible for your loved one’s death? Perhaps. I cannot know.
But what I do know is that whatever cold comfort it brings, it surely
does not bring justice. I suppose
this is why I find myself so burdened today. I’m not sure, even in a nation that promises “Justice for
all,” that we even know what that is anymore.
It
certainly cannot be spending ¼ the amount per student in public education as we
do per prisoner in incarceration.
It certainly cannot be creating an industry out of incarcerating our
fellow citizens that itself has created a system of “law and order” that
disproportionately punishes and contains poor people and people of color. It certainly cannot be the
“patriotically dressed” justifications for homophobia, xenophobia, racism,
sexism, classism, and heterosexism that abound for the seemingly endless stream
of violent acts, images, and language that accost women, gays, lesbians,
transgender men and women, people of color, poor people, immigrants, and
non-Christians everyday, every minute.
It cannot be. Please. It cannot be.
I
know I will find myself praying tonight.
Which might not seem odd, except that it isn’t something I normally
do. I don’t do it because I don’t
know who to pray to. Though I do
believe in a power larger than myself, I don’t know if that power is God. Because it is hard for me to imagine
that a God who loves us so much could sit so idly by and allow us to do such
horrible things to one another…and so oftentimes in his name. I just can’t believe that’s what he had
in mind when giving us free will.
But that is my own struggle, one of many, and tonight I will struggle to
believe. Because tonight I really
need to believe that someone is listening to my prayers.
I
pray for Troy Davis and his family.
I pray for Officer MacPhail and his family. I pray for myself, my family, my friends. I pray that this is not what justice
really feels like. Indeed, I pray
that justice isn’t truly so unjust.
I pray that we can redeem ourselves before it is too late. I pray that it isn’t already too
late. I pray for all of us. All of the dying – those of us who will
die by hate; those of us who die by bullets, knives, beatings, bombs; those who
die by executioner’s needles; and those of us who will die by inches and
degrees as we continue to bear witness to the daily injustices, ignorances,
violences, and madnesses we commit one to another. May real justice be returned to us someday…and may we all
know peace until that day arrives.
***
Lisa Guerrero is Associate Professor of
Comparative Ethnic Studies at Washington State University Pullman, editor
of Teaching Race in the 21st Century:
College Professors Talk About Their Fears, Risks, and Rewards (Palgrave
Macmillan, 2009) and co-author of African Americans in Television,
co-authored with David J. Leonard. (Praeger Publishing, 2009).